Essay at CNN: An Adoptee Who Supports Abortion Rights
My birth mother’s choice to put me up for adoption can only be meaningful if she had a choice between adoption and abortion in the first place.
Hey newsletter subscribers,
I wanted to share with you an op-ed of mine that published today over on CNN.com. I’ve been working on it since Politico published a leaked draft opinion from the Supreme Court showing its intentions to overturn Roe v. Wade.
In the new piece, I talk about the way adoption is often cited in the abortion debate as a viable alternative or compromise, and how I, as an adoptee, feel involuntarily conscripted into a position I do not take. Even those who share my support for abortion rights inaccurately assume that I prefer adoption over abortion as an outcome. I try to make the point that if anyone’s assigning meaning to the choice of adoption, that only works if there’s a choice to be made.
I also wanted to take the opportunity to talk about “choice.” As an adoptee, I know my family chose me, and that choice has shaped my perspective. As a gay man, the concept of “chosen family” is likewise incredibly important to me. Blood is not thicker than water.
I really appreciate that I was able to work with my old ThinkProgress coworker Stephanie Griffith on this piece. She was the one who pitched me to frame an op-ed around this perspective, and she really got me thinking about my own experience on this topic. As a cis man, I try to be deferential to the language and experience of those who can actually get pregnant, and hopefully my speaking out as an adoptee will further strengthen the fight for abortion access.
Below is an excerpt, and then please go to CNN to read the full piece.
One particular question rankles me more than others, and it’s one I still get more often than you might think: “Aren’t you glad your birth mother carried you to term?” I am often asked, in other words, if I wasn’t pleased that the woman who gave birth to me didn’t opt to have an abortion instead.
It’s a rather odd question: I find that people often look to those who have chosen to adopt children — or to people like myself who have been adopted — when seeking confirmation of their anti-abortion views.
I’m reminded that Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barrett infamously asked during oral arguments in the Mississippi case — Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization — why abortion was necessary since unwanted newborns could be dropped off at “safe havens,” such as fire stations.
Sometimes, even those who are abortion rights proponents ask my views on abortion, apparently supposing that they already know the answer. The questioners always seem to think that asking about my birth mother’s choice to carry me to term is a softball question with one obvious answer.
Invariably, they’re surprised to hear me say: “No, I’m not glad my birth mother didn’t get an abortion.”
Click here to read my op-ed: “Take it from an adoptee — choice is what matters".”
If you have ideas about other topics you want to see me write about, please feel free to reach out. You can also keep current with me on Twitter.
Until next time, stay platinum!
Should've aborted you tbh